Days16-23

Life got really busy. And that’s what happens sometimes.

So, it’s not that I’ve fallen off the wagon…

I am still amazed by eating clean.

I am still loving how my body feels when I do.

And the times I’ve slipped, I can totally tell.

And I do not like it.

No, not one little bit.

And I feel closer to God.

Not just because I’m eating different, but because I am relying on Him.

And I can tell when I don’t.

I’ve found I love the natural tastes of foods.

And I love olive oil with a little apple cider vinegar for dressing. Good stuff.

Before, the thought made me gag.

And I love vegetables. Like, almost all vegetables. And I love them raw, I love them grilled, or even baked. Used to, I only ate them steamed, and now, that’s honestly my least favorite way.

And I love vegetable combinations. Like spicy and sweet. It’s like an explosion in your mouth.

I haven’t been exercising like I had really hoped to.

But I have hit 10,000 steps almost every day.

I know I can do better.

I am going to do better.

GO.

SheReadsTruth is hosting Friday devotionals during Lent. Check out their website to be a part of this amazing teaching experience!

Growing up, I heard the story of Jonah and the Whale.

And the story was nothing like what I studied this week. Or maybe, it’s that I didn’t realize how it directly related to my life… it was just a Bible story I heard in Sunday School.

“Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh. Announce my judgement against it because I have seen how wicked its people are.” (vs 2)

God has never told me to go to Nineveh directly.

But He has told me, in a gentle whisper to do something.

To take a meal to someone, to give money to someone on the street corner, to call someone, to send a card, “To be the light of the world.”

Sometimes I’ve done it.

A lot of times I haven’t.

“But Jonah got up and went int he opposite direction to get away from the Lord. He went down to the port of Joppa, where he found a ship leaving for Tarshish. He bought a ticket and went on board, hoping to escape the Lord by sailing to Tarshsish.” (vs 3)

I’ve never been on a boat except at the lake, and I’m not even sure where Tarshish is, but I have gone the other way and ignored the gentle whispers of God’s voice.

More than once.

I am just like Jonah.

“But the Lord hurled a powerful wind over the sea, causing a violent storm that threatened to break the ship apart.” (vs 4)

I have encountered storms in life that I believe could easily have been avoided had I just listened. Obeyed… Trusted.

Too many times I’ve relied on myself. My own power, my own choices… ME, ME, ME.

And where has that gotten me so far?

“Fearing for their lives, the desperate sailors shouted to their gods for help and threw the cargo overboard to lighten the ship. But all this time Jonah was sound asleep down in the hold.” (vs 5)

That’s right, afraid.

Afraid of reactions, judgement, laughter, or thoughts.

But not of my God… my peers.

Not even the One I’m supposed to be pleasing.

Created in His image. I am called to Go. To be a light.

It’s hard to do that, when you don’t listen…

And obey.

What better time than now?

Now is your chance.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19

You may be called to go far away like Tarshish or just next door.

Wherever you are called, be a light. His light.

“You are the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14

If you’ve missed an opportunity, ask for forgivness and that He give you another chance to serve Him. Praise Him for using you, calling you to serve.

Go.

Day 15

Today has been better.

Focused.

And fun.

I feel better.

Like I’m on the right track again.

It’s funny.

It totally came to me this evening that this journey is like that of a tight rope walker.

So imagine, if you will, that you are a tight rope walker.

You start out, determined, focused..nothing can get in your way.

Then you get to the middle, and the rope starts to move… or you hear a sound from below. And you take your eyes off of your finish line for a brief moment.

Oh no!

You begin to wobble.

Trying to regain composure, you adjust your feet, your posture… anything to keep you from falling.

But really…

Sometimes you need to fall.

In order to grow, to continue, to excell… you have to fall.

The important thing is not to stay down.

Get up.

Try again.

Keep going.

Don’t give up.

This is your life. Real life.

Days 11 – 14

So, I really contemplated updating each day individually… but the things I’m going through can be clumped together.

Around Day 10, I was thinking, I really don’t have anything inspiring to say… and no one, even though this is for me, wants to hear the same old stuff.

And immediately after I clicked publish on Day 10. A song came to mind.

Jami Smith’s “Sit with me for awhile.”

And so that’s what I did.

Because honestly, I wasn’t feeling anything.

And it’s ironic, come Sunday, I was the only one in my whole family to go to church. So I sat there by myself on a long empty pew.

And really, I was there for a reason. A right place, right time kind of thing.

We went over Proverbs, and wisdom and folly. Shaking my head, I totally follow folly more often than wisdom. Ugh.

Then for church service, We talk about the return of Christ. Sweet, I’m safe on this one.

Wrong.

Invitation song comes on, and down the aisle I go, pouring out my heart on the altar. I’m struggling, and I didn’t even realize it. Ugh.

The pastor invites us back for the second part of the sermon that night.

Oh, that’s why I went Sunday morning, because I really needed to hear what was said Sunday night.

Funny how that works.

And then, Monday. I was hungry for something. I could not get full. I couldn’t stay out of the kitchen.

I stayed on plan, but I ate and I ate and I ate. I actually made myself sick. Like physically sick. On healthy foods.

I was craving a chicken sandwich from Chic fil a.

I couldn’t get my mind off of it. And the craving still hadn’t passed, even after I told myself over and over, it’s just a chicken sandwich. Get it together…

After making myself sick, I decided to get one on Tuesday.

It was amazing for the moment.

And then, the shame followed. Really?!?! You can’t go 40 days without a stinking chicken sandwich!?!

What about the sacrifices Christ made for you?!

They are far larger than a chicken sandwich…

And I immediately closed my eyes. I could actually see Christ being beaten. I could see him carrying his huge cross after up the long path to die for my sin. My sin. For the stupid chicken sandwich I didn’t think I could live without.

Surrender.

Waiting.

Two words that are very hard for me.

Talking with a friend this morning about the two.

Straight up human desire. Ugh, Self Centered is what I am. I put my own desires first… again. Over a chicken sandwich.

It’s in the storms of life, we have to yell out to Jesus like the diciples did in Mark 4:35-41.

Do you not care that I’m perishing here?!?!

Oh ye of little faith.

Yeah.

When all it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains.

Here I am, at the bottom of my mountain. Struggling to have faith the size of a mustard seed.

“I surrender all…”

Psalm 38 … I Will

SheReadsTruth is hosting Friday devotionals during Lent. Check out their website to be a part of this amazing teaching experience!

So, my home church did a sermon over Psalm 38 this past Sunday, and ironically this was the scripture for the week. So, I’m going to take a little what he said, and tie it in with my own thoughts. Enjoy!

Dealing with Depression – Psalm 38
OUCH! Depression. I’m not depressed. Why does this term keep coming up? I know it’s not directly to me, but the other time it came up this week, it was. Sure, I have a bad day from time to time, but depressed? I don’t see it.

Proverbs – God’s Rules for living wisely
Wisdom- Right choices at the right time
Security & Protection- First step is SALVATION
Discernment & Guidance- Follow God; judgement/right & wrong/TRUST God

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust Him & He will guide your path.”

I do trust Him. He’s got total control of my life. I know I can’t do it on my own. Or do I?

Depression is built by:
1) Guilt
2) An unbiblical attitude about life
3) Wrong priorities – Can’t meet the challenges of life… I feel like that sometimes, ok, a lot of times. I feel like I let people down, when in all truth, I’m just trying to be the best mom/wife I can be… I fall short.
4) Living an unbiblical standard
5) Self-centered – See Acts 20:25… Maybe a little, but who isn’t?
6) Failure to understand the nature of adversity, affliction, & difficulties… yeah

James 1:2-4 says to “Consider it pure joy…”
How can you grow if you aren’t challenged?

So, How do we deal with this?
Pray, Ask God to help. Thank God for the difficulties in your life, because that means you are growing! And Trust God!

What controls you through your trials? What is seen is temperal, the unseen is eternal!

“What I do, God is wait for you, wait for my Lord, my God- You will answer!” (MSG)

So, what will I do?

I will TRUST God. He is my SAFE PLACE. He will STRENTGTHEN my spirit… All so I might be CONTENT with who I am.

Additional scripture to look at:
Psalm 38
James 1:2-4… Consider it…
Psalm 46:11… God is a safe place…
Proverbs 3:5-6… TRUST…
Ephesians 3:18… STRENGTHEN my spirit…
1 Peter 5:7… Be CONTENT

Days 9 & 10

I am one that likes things planned. I usually know what I am doing from day to day.

Some call it boring, or safe, or predictable.

I call it being prepared.

I was not prepared for my little family and in laws to be hit with the stomach bug.

I was not prepared to take off work yesterday.

Food wise, I did ok.

I feel I could have done better, but I still ate on plan. Just my timing was off.

I honestly think because I was on plan, it has saved me so far (knock on wood) from getting sick.

I know this is for me.

But honestly, I wish I had more insight to share… A verse, a quote, something.

I can tell you this.

My heart is burdened this week by the hurting.

A friend of mine lost his dad this morning.

An acquaintance if mine shared on FB that she made it to 14 weeks in her pregnancy. The longest period of time of her 6 pregnancies in 7 1/2 years.

I know many that would love to have another baby and it’s taking longer than they had hoped.

Friends dealing with private pain.

Strangers visibly hurting.

Maybe, just maybe, during this time, The Lord is helping me to be more compassionate…

Day 8

You know how I thought my daughter was teething?

Turns out to be the stomach flu.

Now both her grandpa and daddy have it. As does most of our home town according to my daughter and husband’s doctors, and the random guy wearing pink carrying 4 gallons of bleach behind me at the local DG.

Praying her grandma and I don’t get it…

I stocked up just in case. Following the BRACT diet per our doctor’s suggestion: Bananas Rice Applesauce Crackers and Toast.

Until then, I will continue on my Daniel Plan quest.

Which, today was better than yesterday.

Today, we had a food day. The theme? A burger bar! All kinds, ok 4 kinds of burgers. 2 were healthy versions! Turkey with spinach and garlic, and a black bean burger.

I went with the turkey burger and it was amazing! Topped it with some Avacado, lettuce, tomatoes, and fresh salsa!

I made a clean broccoli salad, so that was my main side… I was so full!!!

I ate a small salad for dinner and was good.

The best part about lent? Honestly? It’s not about giving up goodies and treats for selfish gain, like I have witnessed friends do in the past, but about taking the things out if the picture that are keeping you from a solid relationship with your Savior.

And growing more in His word.

And being more reliant on Him.

And repenting for all the areas you fall short.

And surrendering your weaknesses.

And asking for forgiveness.

And walking everyday a little closer to Him.

Day 7

You would think it would get easier as time goes by.

And maybe it will.

But today wasn’t that day. And I did slip.

I thought, hey, no one will know if I simply leave out the pieces of chocolate I had in a moment of weakness.

I will.

God will.

How ironic that today in my Quiet time, I read how if we confess our sin, we our forgiven. If we hold it in and keep it a secret, it will do nothing but burden us.

I could make excuses and highlight that I have had very little sleep since last Friday due to a sick little one and now a sick hubby. Or that I walked out completely unprepared for the day… No planner, no food, no grocery list. Or that I completely skipped breakfast…

Or buck up and confess.

I even had to ask for forgiveness. And as silly as it sounds,
choosing chocolate over my commitment to God really got me down.

I am so thankful He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins.

In the past, I would use it as an excuse to blow off the rest of the day. I am so proud of my little step towards a better me, when I got back on that horse and ate a super clean dinner and prepped for tomorrow.

I am so thankful for second chances, do overs, forgiveness, acceptance, and complete fulfillment in Him and only Him.

Day 6

Back to work today.

Because of the random nap I took at 7pm last night, I was up until about 1:30am. Only to be crawling (very slowly) out of bed at 6:30am. Never mind that I’m supposed to be at work at 7am…

But surprisingly, I didn’t drag all day like in the past.

I was actually surprised.

One of the things I try to do on my break at work is dig in the word. I feel it be far more productive than my checking Facebook over and over… Even though I am tempted. Instead I head over to #SheReadsTruth.

Today, I ran across this quote:
If you don’t feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great. -John Piper, A Hunger for God

Wow.

It went on to say how we are being weaned during this season of Lent and our longings are changing.

It is so true.

My desires are changing.

The Lord takes extreme circumstances in our life to awaken us to our need for our Savior… Fasting awakens that need.

Wow.

Fasting isn’t about pain. Sure, I may think it’s painful to pass on dessert… But that’s nothing like the pain my Savior endured.

Fasting is about removing sin from our lives. It’s hard to believe I had let something as a basic everyday need become the biggest source of sin in my life.

Food had taken priority in my life.

No more.

I am proud to say, that by 10pm, my house is spotless, both cars are spotless, I played outside with my daughter and worked out for 45 minutes today. That doesn’t count my 3 walk breaks I took at work.

I am still amazed by my energy level.

Truly amazed.

“Blessed are you who are hungry, for you shall be satisfied.” -Luke 6:21

Day 5

Completely drained.

This is me.

Up most of the night with a sick little girl. Fevers and diarrhea. Fortunately, there was only one accident.

So what do you do when a former focus all my attention on the meals I’m going to eat gal do?

I focus entirely on caring for my daughter.

And it worked.

I didn’t eat because I was bored. Or because it was there… Because I was tired or lonely.

I ate for energy. For fuel… So I could care for someone else.

I have not drank enough water this weekend. Not because I was drinking other things, but because I was doing other things.

In just 5 days, I am truly amazed how much better I feel.

I am amazed that my taste buds have changed already.

Big plans for this week… Stay tuned!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!